A lot of things have happened in the past few weeks…
The first of which is that I ran 14 miles. This was a major moment in my running life because it was the longest I had run ever and my first big scary run of my marathon training that I’ve been chipping away at for a few months. It was also a major moment in my marathon training in that during it I pulled a butt muscle aaaand now I’m three weeks out and still can’t walk correctly. So, after conferring with some fitness friends, at the interest of my both butt and my ability to run in the future, I’ve let my marathon dreams die for now. I transferred my registration to next year’s race and I’m trying not to feel too bad about it (even though I do.) There is some sort of life lesson in there about moderation and strength training before you start marathon training but I’m gonna let that sink in at a later date.
The second thing that happened is that my laptop broke and then I went on a 2 week long workcation with my nanny family to the east coast. There’s not much to that other than that I got to go to Maryland and eat a lot of crabs and get tan and that I love my nanny family a lot, but it prevented me from posting about the third thing that happened until right now (from my brand spankin new macbook air that I got on sale at best buy haaay.) And it’s such a good thing!
(drumroll…) I got into the grad school program I applied to! I did a thing and only applied to the one program I wanted the most so it was a bit of a crap shoot but it all turned out great because I got in! And I start in a few weeks! And it is all very crazy. Remember that time that I couldn’t graduate high school and I thought I’d never be able to go to college at all? Things can change SO MUCH you guys.
Someone recently told me in regards to something that I was impatient about to “trust the process,” and I really love that. My life has truly been all about trusting the process, letting things take me where they take me and adjusting accordingly, following a path that’s been unaligned with other people’s. It’s so great when it ends up working out in lovely ways.
Hope all is well with all my internet people and that you’re trusting your process. Hang tough, lovies. As always, here if you need me.
This is the best
Never not amazed at the power of a shared experience and I’m so thankful to have had the ability to make any sort of impact. Thanks for taking the time to leave me such a nice message
My parents are on a badass cross country road trip and they’re finally in CA and I’m the happiest. Here they are seeing the Pacific Ocean for the first time (cutest ever.)
There are a lot of things I know now that I wish I could impart on a younger version of myself. Things like ‘don’t let people treat you like crap’ and ‘dont dye the bottom part of your hair bleach blonde just because everyone else is doing it (shit will get KNOTTY and you look like a skunk,)’ and maybe ‘studded belts are not attractive,’ but I think one of the biggest things I wish I knew then that I do now, is that life is SO much easier when you let the fuck go of all your body hang-ups.
My brain used to be SO mean to my body. There was a point in my life where I probably could have drafted a 10 page long list of things that I felt were flawed about my physical appearance.
I used up so much mental energy worrying about parts of me that were unchangeable and dictating my wardrobe choices around them that even when I did get compliments or feel good about myself, it was totally negated by all the mean things I was telling myself. Which in retrospect is just really, really silly. What a waste. I could have put that time into something more constructive, like thinking about cats, or making cupcakes.
I think one of the best things about losing weight is that its allowed me to (slowly but surely) let go of all of my hangups. Because it just felt like a waste of time, because I knew that I was being as healthy as possible, and that this is just where my body will more or less always be, so I might as well get stoked on it.
I get a lot of questions on here talking about specific body parts. Something along the lines of ‘I hate my _____, how do I change it?’ and my answer? You don’t. Worry about being healthy and train your brain into feeling awesome about all of you instead of obsessing over one part of you and it wont matter anymore.
I used to never wear shorts. I’m 5’8 and I’ve got leeeggss. They are both long and substantial, and I had a total thigh exposure phobia. You know what got me over it? Just wearing fucking shorts. I bought myself a pair of high waisted short shorts (pictured above,) and I just started wearin’ em. At first I felt like an asshole, and now they are one of my favorite articles of clothing. Somewhere in that process I stopped being worried about my thighs and started putting that energy towards other shit.
So, as the season of skimpy clothes and bathing suits comes upon us, I urge you to just fucking wear shorts, guys. Even if you hate it at first, even if you’re scared. Trust me, you’re better off (and less hot) in the long run.
Well I’m really glad you have cats. That’s step one to a happy life so you’re already like pretty set.
Making friends is hard and it gets harder the older you get. So my first bit of advice would be to not feel so bad about this. Friends are important, but when everyone’s in transitional phases (ie, all of your 20’s) it’s hard to even connect with long term friends, let alone forge new connections. You are not alone.
It’s been hard for me post-move as well, I had a few friends out here prior to coming out and was living with a friend from home for about six months, so that made it easier. But since I spend most of my time working (hanging out with children) I’ve managed to make one other nanny friend since I’ve been here. Otherwise thaaats about it.
Sometimes when I’m running I see people my age engaging in group activities that you sign up for (like volleyball and beach soccer) that would make it easy to make friends. So maybe try to find a group that’s doing something you’re interested in doing and make that scary leap and just jump in. Use the internet, it will help.
Otherwise, be mildly aggressive with people you interact with that have friend potential. I’ve made about 80% of my friends by actively pursuing girls I thought were super cool and slowly tricking them into friendship loving me. Usually it’s something along the lines of “hey you’re really great! Do you want to get dinner and be friends?” And then you go on your first friend date and you woo them. Maybe show them pictures of your cats?
Fullest disclosure is that I met the person I’m dating the day I got to California (whoops how’d that happen,) so the past months I’ve been doing that inevitable but probably unwise thing where you spend all your time making googly eyes at each other and holding hands and forgetting the world exists and all that other gross couple stuff. He’s pretty great so I’m not complaining, but it did make it easy to cop out of the ‘make new friends’ part of moving.
I love this!! Thank you so much, and of course I remember! So nice to hear that you’re doing well.
Friendly reminder to everyone that summer is hot and you should feel okay about dressing accordingly.
Keep cool cute people!
well a.) thank you! And b.) full disclosure I did have my eyebrows on. I have just about zero eyebrows so I fill them in with a pencil or else I feel like I look like voldemort when he lost all his powers and looked like a fetus (or, voldemort fetus face, as I like to call it)