Miss Margaret Mack

I’ve had a strange week. 

My uncle passed away late Wednesday evening. He was sick, we were not extremely close, but the whole situation is enough to remind me of how anxious death makes me. Enough to make me cognizant of the lack of permanence in life. Enough to remind me that my sisters both live 6+ hours away, that my little family is so much more scattered than I’d like it to be. 

Loss is such an odd thing, that someone can be there one day and be totally gone the next. 

And it was some sort of bad life timing that lead me to two different kinds of loss on Wednesday night, because I unexpectedly spent the better portion of the evening face to face on a couch with a certain someone, saying goodbye in a completely different way. 

Here’s the thing with waiting for someone to come around after an argument, is that you might just wait long enough that that person will have enough time to realize how unintentionally hurtful and unfaithful you’ve been, and how selfish and incapable of friendship you truly are, and then instead of returning to how things have always been, when you finally do reach out and communicate, you may have lost them forever. 

And it was hard to look into the one face in the world that I know almost as well as my own, and let you know that too much damage has been done, especially when you weren’t expecting it. But I’m proud of myself for doing it, and content that you didnt try to argue with what I was saying, impressed that you could at least acknowledge your mistakes. 

Its odd that a 7 year friendship/relationship/love could end a kiss on the cheek, and a handshake accompanied by a “good game, mack” but for us, it seems fitting. I feel like I can finally shut the door on the ‘you’ chapter of my life, and feel okay about all of the lessons learned and the mistakes made because it is finally over. 

But for a single Wednesday, it was maybe just a bit too much loss.